Get Your Fingers! (He he!)

My name is Deisha and I am a finger-sucker.

I never really understood finger-sucking. I guess my thumb just didn't seem appetizing. But, my sweet God daugher practically came out of the womb sucking her pointer and middle fingers. She would get sleepy and before you knew it, those two fingers were in her little mouth and she was sucking away! Two years later, she still sucks those fingers. And, when a visit from the "sand man" results in a whiney, misbehaving little girl, a stern "Get your fingers" does the trick! Before you can bat an eye, in go those two fingers, out goes whiney, misbehaving... silence, peace and rest (in the form of a precious sleeping toddler) are achieved.

A few days ago, my baby girl wanted her mommy to wake up and play with her. She proceeded to nudge and say, "Wake up, Mommy." But instead of waking up, a tired Mommy suggested that her daughter awake Daddy. My baby's response? "Mommy, get your fingers." HE HE!! In other words, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, so... "Get your fingers and be quiet." LOL!

Watch Out, Dr. Phil!

Okay, I am NOT encouraging my God child to have a sassy mouth, nor am I encouraging those of you who have kids to shove a finger in your child's mouth the next time you're on the verge of losing your patience (no matter how much you might want to). HOWEVER, there is a wonderful lesson to be learned in GETTING ONE'S FINGERS. In fact, if Dr. Phil comes across this blog, he might put on his suit and authoritative voice, and sell you on "Get Your Fingers - The New Three Step Program To Inner Peace." But for simplicity's sake, I'll keep it short and remind you that from time-to-time, we ALL need to GET OUR FINGERS... be quiet... welcome peace... and rest.

Step One: Get Your Fingers!

Confession -- I talk a lot. Since most people already know that about me, I guess it's not really a confession, but, it is a fact... and sometimes, I talk so much that I get on my own nerves. I laugh when I say that... and people don't always understand how that can be. But, what it boils down to is self-awareness -- am I adding value to this conversation? Am I making an important point? Am I asking a question that REALLY needs to be answered? Or, am I just talking to talk? If the answer to the last question is an emphatic YES, I know -- beyond the shadow of a doubt -- that it's time (or past time) for me to GET MY FINGERS and shut up! LOL!

Step Two: Shhhhh!!

Out of respect, We are silent while others are talking. Out of reverence, we offer a moment of silence for a person who has passed away. If we can't find anything nice to say, we were taught that silence is the only option. We know not to talk with food (or fingers) in our mouths. Yes, like I said... after "getting one's fingers," SILENCE is the natural next step. And, even if you're one of those thumb-suckers who has mastered the art of talking with a finger in your mouth, I'm sure you have grown to understand and appreciate the power of silence. We have heard various quotes about it -- "There are times when silence has the loudest voice" (Leroy Brownlow)... "Silence is more eloquent than words" (Thomas Carlyle). One of my blogging buddies even wrote about "God's silence" not too long ago ("When God Is Silent" - 1/5/07). And, the Bible says that there's wisdom and understanding in silence -- "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding." (Proverbs 17:28) Let me find out Solomon (the author of Proverbs) was instructing his son to GET HIS FINGERS and shut up! And... since, Solomon is considered one of the wisest men to ever walk the earth, I think we should take his word, learn when and how to be quiet (and I can move on).

Step Three: Welcome Peace... and Rest.

The analogy that comes out of watching my God daughter "get her fingers," submit to silence, close her eyes in peace... and quickly find rest is one that resonated with me over this past weekend when I found myself running my mouth for NO REASON. :-) But more importantly, my baby's analogy speaks measures for how EASY it can be for us to go from whiney (frustrated with work, hurt by family, misunderstood by friends, Chatty Cathy) moments... to peace and rest.

The special sauce in the middle (whiney moment + ____ = peace and rest) is SILENCE. Yes, be aware of yourself... know when to get your fingers and SHUT UP! Why? Because in silence, we hear the small voice that speaks to us. In silence, we realize wisdom and understanding. In silence, we find peace of mind. In silence, our souls find rest.

So, I can stand boldly and say... My name is Deisha and I am a finger-sucker. Are you?

Get your fingers... and be blessed!! :-)

Like A Dog In Heat… (Uh Oh!)

Think back to 1989 for a second… you were probably rocking a high top fade or an asymmetrical haircut … New Edition topped the charts and controversy surrounded west coast rappers 2 Live Crew. Yes, it was 1989 and songs from their album “As Nasty As They Wanna Be” were all over MTV and radio airwaves… “I’m like a dog in heat, a freak without warning. I have an appetite for love, cause me so…” Okay, the song was a HOT MESS, but let me tell you about my recent reflection on that line in particular… “I’m like a dog in heat, a freak without warning. I have an appetitie for love, cause me so…”

Before I go on, please note that I am not inferring that women are b*tches or that men are dogs. Follow me, good people, follow me…

Dogs in Heat…

Wikipedia says that female dogs have a twice-yearly fertile period or “season,” during which their bodies prepare for pregnancy. At the peak of this season, the dog comes "into heat" -- she's mentally and physically receptive to copulation.

Okay… I am NOT a pet person. As a matter of fact, I’m a little afraid of dogs. But, in my mind’s eye, a female dog in heat is determined to get a man (male dog) by any means necessary! I can see her running around the park just-a-lookin’! And, when she sees a man (any man), her tail gets to waggin’… her tongue is hangin’ out of her mouth… her ears are at attention… she’s barking like a mad woman… you get the picture. Said dog is mentally and physically ready for the next “season” of her life.

Uh oh, ladies… might we REALLY behave like dogs in heat? We reach a certain “season” of life and male-companionship moves up on the list of priorities. We are mentally ready for a serious relationship; physically, our clocks are ticking. There is no doubt in our minds that we are at (or quickly approaching) the season’s PEAK. So… We see a nice-looking guy at church… in the mall… in a photograph… and our tails IMMEDIATLEY get to waggin’! We bark, “Girl, who is he?!?! Is he single?” Our ears are alert, awaiting the answers….and, if he’s not the one, we continue running around the park, just-a-lookin’ until the next fella catches our eye. Dogs in heat??? Say it ain’t so!!! LOL!

Appetite for Love…

Since this is G-rated blog, I’ll skip over “freak without warning” and go straight to 2 Live Crew’s next reference – “I have an appetitie for love, cause me so…” Now, I’m sure you all can remember how the line ends (even if you are ashamed to admit it). But, forgetting about the actual lyrics for a second and, instead, thinking about my homeboys (a few single men who are playing the field in search of a drama-free good time), my girlfriends (beautiful, brilliant women who are out and about in search of a few good men who might lead them to one true love) and myself (I can actually fit either of the previous descriptions depending upon the day of the week. LOL)… there are countless adjectives that could complete that line. For example…

I have an appetitie for love, cause me so…

... bored (so, let me meet a few new people. Gotta keep the squad fresh!)
... lonely (it’s cold outside… would be nice to have somebody to keep me warm)
... tired (of the games or the work that comes with sustaining a healthy relationship)
... desperate (I’m d-near thirty! I GOTTA find a man ASAP!)
... frustrated (by failed relationships… the lack of quality options)

As I sit here typing and thinking, I realize that I can relate to all of those words (again, depending on the day), But, if you only knodded your head at “bored,” you’re like my some of my homeboys who are playing the field, not looking for anything too serious or too committed… and the rest of this post isn’t for you (come back next week). However, those of you who said “mmmm mmm” when you read the words “lonely,” “tired,” “desperate,” or “frustrated” -- KEEP READING, BOO! You might find some encouragement in the next line or two! :-)

Lonely… Tired… Desperate… Frustrated…

Those words are definitely difficult to swallow. I mean, who wants to think about LOVE and admit that they’re lonely… tired… desperate… or frustrated? Not me! However, as a beautiful, brilliant, single woman (very similar to the girlfriends I described earlier) who has dated countless men and still finds herself awaiting Mr. Right… I can admit that there are moments/days during this season of life when I have to remind myself that loneliness is impossible (I’m never alone because I always have a friend in Jesus! And, at the beginning and end of everyday, my heart belongs to Him)…. I can’t get tired (because perserverance must finish its work before I can be complete)… desperate does NOT look good on me (because I am a child of the Most High God. Royalty. Shoot, I have an intimate relationship with the KING OF KINGS.)…. And, frustration is not an option (because I remind myself of His promise to do far above anything I can ask or think in His perfect time).

Crave Love…

So, let’s leave the “in heat” thing to those barking little ladies with four legs and wagging tails! We crave love because we are obedient (delighting ourselves in Him… seeking Him first)… because we are prayerful (remembering that the prayers of the righteous render much)… because we are patient (and we know all about the blessing that lies in "waiting") And, because we are trusting God to know what’s best – and who’s best – for us!

Hey! What started off as an “uh oh” for me just turned into an “ah ha”!! Go figure!! :-)

Be patient. Be blessed. Be loved. :-)

The Late Twenties (Ah ha!)

On January 14, 1978 – a cooolllld winter day in Washington, D.C.– a lovely, young couple welcomed their BEEAUUTIFUL baby girl into the world. She was (and still is) a big old cry baby with a big old laugh who likes to have A BIG OLD GOOD TIME!! Do the math and you’ll figure out that was TWENTY-NINE years ago today. So, don’t ask me how old I THOUGHT I was… but it wasn’t until a couple weeks back when someone referred to me as a person in her “late twenties” that I realized (gasp) I am actually in my LATE TWENTIES. OMG!! Talk about an “ah ha” moment….

After the initial shock, I began to think back on my “early twenties.” My best friend recently called me a “soul-searcher,” so I guess I did some soul-searching. I went from macro thoughts -- where was I, what was I doing, how was I thinking, what were my goals… to micro thoughts – what trendy clothes was I wearing, how was I wearing my hair, who were my boyfriends, my favorite songs, my favorite hangouts, my homies…. When my “soul-searching” was complete, I THANKED GOD that my “early twenties” were OVER. I mean… they were FULL of great times, lots of fun and great lessons, yes! But, the woman I am today – the beautiful woman with twenty-nine wonderful years of life experience and wisdom… man! I would NEVER trade her in for that cute, young lady from my early twenties! NEVER!

So, in celebration of my twenty-ninth year and to kick off the series of posts that I’ll publish to my blog, I conducted a little survey (a mix of self-surveying and the surveying of others). The result: this quick journey down memory lane. TWENTY-NINE REASONS WHY MY “LATE TWENTIES” AREN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL…. (in no particular order)

1. Wisdom – Yeah, I’ll admit it. I was kinda dumb in my early twenties. But, my late twenties have seen me achieve brilliance! As my mom would say, I’m “as smart as a whip” now! With a college degree, a few years of career experience, several flat tires and countless life lessons under my belt… you might as well call me a late twenties genius who becomes wiser and wiser as the days go by! :-)

2. Priorities – My major concerns in my early twenties: 1) taking steps towards career goals, 2) having a good time. BUT in my late twenties, I realized that, while my career is important (a sista has to eat)…my friends and fun are great (work hard, play harder, right?), MY SPIRIT is what matters most. My priorities shifted. I gave my spirit greater portions of bread to eat (bread of life). When I was thirsty, I grabbed my glass full of grace, mercy and favor that was poured for me day in and day out. And, before I knew it… all of that bread and that stuff in the glass had my spirit growing like wild flowers! Thank God for ordering my priorities!

3. Beauty – Forget lots of eyeliner, long acrylic nails and revealing clothes, those were “early twenties” things. In my late twenties, I’ve grown into myself. On the surface, I’ve learned to embrace my natural beauty. I mean, the women at the M.A.C. counter are still my friends, but at the end of the day... I look like ME, not a little girl who’s trying to look grown. And, more importantly, I’ve learned that inner beauty is most important.

4. Friendship – Having seen many friendships from my teens fade, through my early twenties, I learned the importance of “true friends” – learned how to differentiate friends from acquaintances. By my late twenties, I had solid friendships that I know will stand the test of time! (and I LOVE all my girls to death!!)

5. Strength – I thank God for several tests that turned into testimonies during my early twenties. Through them, I have concluded two things: 1) life experience – every tough time, every trial – really DOES make us stronger. 2) But, even when we aren’t strong enough (mentally, physically, emotionally), God is MIGHTY -- that means He’s STRONG enough to “hold it together until we get it together!”

6. Intimacy – I was in the process of getting to know myself in my early 20s – what do I like, what will I tolerate, what are my goals, etc.…. At this point, I’m pretty far along in that process and can confidently say that I am intimately familiar with myself. Ask me anything about Deisha, I bet I have an answer for you! :-)

7. Style – I have my own. No more copy cat, trying to keep up with the Joneses or dress like every other girls on campus. If big earrings are my thing… and someone calls them ghetto, that’s cool. In my late twenties, my style is MY style… It’s part of what makes me ME… and you don’t have to like it, boo! :-)

8. Hurdles-Crossed – I may only be 29, but I have crossed many hurdles in my day! As a matter of fact, in my late twenties, my hurdle-jumping form is lookin’ pretty good (if I have to say so myself)!! I might get a little down every now and then, but hurdles ain’t nothing! We jump those every day around here! :-)

9. Consistency – Yes, I'm a little inconsistent when it comes to certain things; however, my late-twenties have come with an appreciation for the things that are consistent in life. My ride-or-die friends are consistently by my side – for better or for worse. My favorite Escada perfume consistently smells wonderfully! Atlanta is still hot in August. God is consistently good. Ahhh… thank Him for the consistent things in life!

10. Taste – My early twenties saw me listening to Lil Kim and Trina – reciting their X-rated lyrics at the top of my lungs with my hands in the air in someone’s smoky club. Craziness… In my late twenties, however, I’ve realized that we really should be mindful of what our ears and eyes take in. It can change the way we look at life. Taste something new. Check out India.Arie. Tune in to Praise 97.5 F.M.… your mindset will thank you later. :-)

This post will be entirely too long if I continue listing my “reasons why” with such long explanations. So… here are the others in short form (holler at me if you want the details): 11) fun; 12) confidence; 13) travels; 14) technology; 15) discernment; 16) success; 17) saying no; 18) the kitchen; 19) this, too, shall pass; 20) courage; 21) roses; 22) honesty; 23) faith; 24) I’m grown!

And, I just decided that these are THE TOP FIVE REASONS WHY MY “LATE TWENTIES” AREN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL….

(drumroll, please)

25. Children – In my late twenties, I’ve found that children REALLY are infinitely precious… they can brighten your day with a simple “hey auntie”… they are stronger and smarter than we might think… Whitney was right - they ARE the future.

26. Understanding – My late twenties have seen me develop a better understanding of life, death, love, people, myself,purpose… God’s plan.

27. Tomorrow – Little orphan Annie was right when she sang, “the sun will come out… TOMORROW.” Yes, Psalm 30: 5 is correct -- Joy does come in the morning! :-)

28. Heaven – Several of my loved ones moved into their mansions in the sky during my late twenties. So, I have a greater love for the idea that there is a Heaven! In fact, I REALLY want to go! I have a stronger faith that the streets up there ARE paved with gold… there’s no more sickness, no more sorrow… always “howdy-howdy” and NEVER “good-bye.” :-)

29. Mystery – A few months back, I realized that there is peace in embracing the mystery of what life has in store. Where a relationship is going? What’s around the corner? Who knows? But, there’s peace in knowing that it will all work together for my good!

Yep... my “late twenties” aren’t so bad after all. Now, I’m sure there are folks who might say, “my late twenties were nothing compared to my 40s or 50s.” There are others who can’t fathom the thought of actually being in their LATE twenties (it just seems so OLD). But, as for me… somehow I looked up and found myself not smack dab in the middle of my late twenties… but, I found myself hanging on to them by a freaking thread!!! So… while I can still claim you, late twenties, I LOVE and EMBRACE you! I realize (ah ha) that you aren’t so bad after all! :-)

Happy Jan. 14th to you… Happy Birthday to me. Thanks for checking out my blogspot. :-)

p.s. -- next week's post won't be this long, I promise! :-)

Uh oh!! He he!! Ah ha!! What’s this blog all about?

Fear…joy… realization. As we walk through life, we all encounter situations, obstacles, people or periods (whether brief or long) that leave us saying “uh oh” (a verbal reaction to fear or anxiety)… “he he” (laughter that naturally results from joy or happiness)… or “ah ha” (the exciting feeling that comes with a new revelation, epiphany, God-given direction or answered prayer). As I celebrate another year of life, I've decided to launch my blog – http://uhoh-hehe-ahha.blogspot.com/ – moving my online chronicle of “uh oh,” “he he” and “ah ha” moments from myspace to blogspot; broadening the universe of people who might read, be challenged… be encouraged… be tickled… be enlightened… be blessed by my point of view.

Quick side bar: Please know that I put a lot of brain power behind my little tag line: “a silly, single woman’s perspective on life, love… and everything in between.” I ended up there after some thought about myself and the unique, insightful message that I desire to share with my online family and the world. A silly (loud-laughing), single woman AND daughter of a man who lived with a terminal illness for seven years, I have an interesting perspective on LIFE. A God-fearing Christian woman who is NOT ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I have strong opinions about LOVE (God IS love). And, a conversationalist (talker, mouth-runner, whatever you want to call it), I probably have an opinion
or thought on ANY OTHER TOPIC YOU THROW MY WAY.

So, you can look forward to posts that cover a wide range of subjects -- from race and religion, to music and manners, to scripture and single-living… the list WILL go on. Yes, this will be the online home for my stories (and I have been known to have a story for EVERYTHING), thoughts and soliloquies that offer a silly, single woman’s perspective on life, love… and everything in between.

My prayer is that lots of people – men, women, college students, whoever -- will check me out frequently…. And, I speak commenting over your fingers!! LOL! Seriously, don’t just read! Post a comment! You never know who might be inspired by YOUR perspective (or what I'll have to say back)… so, share your two cents – are you feeling me? Do you totally disagree? Did you find yourself saying, Uh oh! He he! Or, Ah ha!?!? I hope so!! :-)

That’s it for the intro. Welcome to my blog, good people. Now for the first installment...